Across the country, a great many grandparents are raising their grandchildren. Sometimes it happens gradually, sometimes overnight, and it is almost always an act of extraordinary love, stepping in so that a child can stay within their family, and be safe and loved.

It is also, quite often, extremely hard. Raising children is demanding at any age. Doing it in your sixties, seventies or beyond, while managing your own health conditions and growing care needs, is a great deal to carry. And it is a situation that receives far less attention and support than it deserves.

If this is your family, this guide is for you. It looks honestly at the strain, and at the support that can help.

An act of love, and a heavy load

Grandparents in this position often carry several things at once: the practical work of raising children, the emotional weight of whatever circumstances brought the children into their care, their own health conditions, and often financial pressure too, particularly for those on a fixed pension income.

Many also quietly grieve the retirement they had imagined, while feeling they cannot possibly complain, because they chose this, and because they love these children dearly. Both things can be true at once. You can love a child completely and still find the situation exhausting.

When your own health needs are growing

Here is the difficulty at the heart of it. As we age, most of us need a little more support ourselves. But grandparents raising children are often so focused on the children that their own health slips quietly down the list.

Appointments get postponed. Symptoms go unmentioned. Rest never quite happens. And the very support that might help feels like an indulgence when there are children to feed, ferry to school and look after.

If that sounds familiar, please hear this clearly: looking after your own health is not selfish. It is one of the most important things you can do for those children. They need you well, and they need you here. Your health is not a luxury, it is the foundation of everything you are giving them.

Accepting help is not failing them

Many grandparents in this position are fiercely proud of what they are doing, and understandably reluctant to admit they are struggling. But accepting support does not mean you are failing the children. It means you are making sure you can keep going, and keep giving them the stable, loving home you have worked so hard to provide.

Support is what makes the whole thing sustainable.

How live-in care can help, and what it does not do

Let us be clear about this, because it matters. A live-in carer is there to support you with your own care needs. They are not a nanny or a childminder, and they are not there to take over the parenting of your grandchildren.

What live-in care can do is take a great deal of weight off your shoulders. A carer supports your health, your mobility, your medication and your personal care, so that your own needs are properly looked after rather than endlessly postponed. They can help with the household tasks that eat into your day, and they can help you get to your own medical appointments, which are so easily missed. They are also company and support for you, in a situation that can feel isolating.

The result is simple but significant. With your own needs properly supported, you have more energy, more capacity and more of yourself left over for your grandchildren. Care for you is, in a very real sense, care for them.

Look after yourself, too

You are doing something remarkable. Please try to remember that you matter in this story as well:

• Keep your own medical appointments and mention what you are managing.
• Accept help when it is offered, and be brave enough to ask for it.
• Try to hold on to some time, however small, that is just yours.
• Talk to someone about how you are really doing, rather than carrying it silently.
• Be kind to yourself. You are doing your best in a hard situation, and your best is enough.

Support for you means stability for them

Raising your grandchildren while managing your own care needs is a huge thing to take on, and it deserves recognition and real support. Looking after your own health, and accepting help where it is available, is not taking anything away from those children. It is exactly how you keep being there for them.

If you would like to talk through how live-in care could support your own needs, we would be glad to help, without pressure and without judgement.

Book a free care advice call, or give us a ring on 020 3970 9900. We are always happy to listen.